The absolute last people with whom you should discuss wills and estate planning? Your attorney and financial advisor.
Sure, they're experts on proxies, trusts and all the intricacies of intergenerational asset transfers and taxes. But before you commit post mortem plans to paper and lock away dollars in perpetuity, you'd be wise to first consult your loved ones, psychotherapist and clergy person. That's because wills and estates aren't just legal documents; they're expressions of emotions and values. Forget one part of that mix and you guarantee trouble.
One affluent couple I knew decided to split their estate among four grandchildren, with the stipulation that each one must graduate college. The couple's goal was to encourage education. At the time they prepared the will, no one could imagine one grandchild would suffer an accident making college (and much else) impossible. As a result, the heir who most needed help was the one who didn't receive it. The mistake was kept from becoming a tragedy by the selflessness of the other three grandchildren, who took it on themselves to compensate for the will's shortcomings.
Rather than relying on good intent and hoping your heirs are equal parts prescient and magnanimous, you need to ask yourself some hard questions -- and communicate your answers and ideas -- before bringing in the tacticians.
What will my widow need?
Providing for your spouse is probably priority Number One. But rather than automatically leave her the bulk of your assets, consider your bequest in the context of your whole estate.
For instance, life insurance benefits could add considerably to the size of your estate. And taking care of dependent children in separate bequests could lessen your spouse's own financial burdens as well. It usually makes sense to provide enough for her to maintain her lifestyle -- but that might not require your entire estate. If your death will likely result in an improved financial situation for your spouse, consider passing surplus funds on to charity or other friends and family members.
If your wife is much younger than you and you have no children, providing perpetual lifestyle maintenance may also be unnecessary -- or even counterproductive. Change isn't always bad: it can represent growth. An unusually large bequest may even discourage her from moving on and starting a new life.
In some cases, providing enough money for a smooth transition may be a better idea than passing on sufficient resources to last a lifetime. The best advice? Speak frankly with your spouse about estate-planning considerations so that you can fully understand each others concerns and devise a joint strategy.
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